Which Books From 2013 Would You Take With You to a Deserted Island?

New Year’s Day with Morzant:
Morzant Poses a Hypothetical Question to His Friends. Again. Even Though He Realizes It’s Pretty Much Pointless.

MORZANT: Zulko, humans. Asking my friends to name the one book published during Earth’s most recent orbit around the sun they would take with them to a deserted island has become an annual exercise in futility. With few exceptions, they have repeatedly and steadfastly refused to adhere to the restrictions of the hypothetical question and have provided multiple book titles in answer to my query. One year I even allowed myself to be corrupted by their reckless abandon. As I understand it, the purpose of a hypothetical question is to force a degree of limitation on potential answers thus compelling the individuals answering the question to carefully deliberate their answer. Since my friends are unlikely to follow the constraints of my experiment, I see no reason to repeat it this year.

BIGFOOT: Really? That’s a shame. We were totally going to do it right this year.

MORZANT: You were?

BIGFOOT: Well, yeah. I got to feeling bad about giving you a hard time and not playing along those other times. This year I talked with everybody. We all agreed we’d choose only one favorite book from 2013 to hypothetically take with us to a deserted island. But if we’re not doing it this year—

MORZANT: We can! I would very much like to, Bigfoot. I’ve waited three years for this opportunity to observe a hypothetical question answered correctly. This will fill a woeful gap in my studies of Earth literature. Would you like to begin?

BIGFOOT: Actually, we all wrote down our answers. You know. To help out since you’ll want to record all of this for your studies.

MORZANT: How wonderful! Thank you. This will indeed simplify the process.

[Morzant examines the document.]

MORZANT: I don’t understand. 

BIGFOOT: Something the matter?

MORZANT: Each of you has selected more than one book. Again.

BIGFOOT: No we haven’t.

MORZANT: You most certainly have. There are four books listed next to your name alone.

BIGFOOT: You’re mistaken. I picked COALTOWN JESUS.

MORZANT: And DOLL BONES. And FORMERLY SHARK GIRL. And—

BIGFOOT: No, no. Those are Bigfoot Number One and Two’s picks.

MORZANT: Bigfoot Number One? Bigfoot Number Two?

BIGFOOT: That’s right.

MORZANT: Who are they?

BIGFOOT: My clones.

MORZANT: I’m stunned. This is absolutely incredible. Bigfoot, when did you acquire the technology to clone yourself?

BIGFOOT: Hypothetically speaking, around the time you asked your hypothetical question.

MORZANT: I don’t understand.

BIGFOOT: For the purposes of your hypothetical scenario where I hypothetically get stranded on a deserted island and can hypothetically take only one book with me, I hypothetically clone myself and each of my cloned selves can choose one book to bring to the island.

[Morzant sighs.]

MORZANT: There’s an Earth saying I’ve learned that advises one to partake in the madness of those whose illogic proves indefatigable.

BIGFOOT: Do you mean, “If you can’t beat ’em, join em”?

MORZANT: Precisely. That being established, may I hypothetically borrow your hypothetical cloning machine so that I can pick two favorites from 2013?

BIGFOOT: I don’t know. Do you think the world is ready for two Morzants?

MORZANT: It will need at least that many to counteract the shenanigans of four Bigfoots.

BIGFOOT: Good point.


The cryptids and their clones would bring the following books published in 2013 with them to a deserted island:

ORIGINAL BIGFOOT’S PICK:

COALTOWN JESUS

by Ron Koertge

Candlewick

BIGFOOT CLONE #1’S PICK:

DOLL BONES

by Holly Black, with illustrations by Eliza Wheeler

[MIDDLE GRADE]

Margaret K. McElderry-Simon & Schuster

BIGFOOT CLONE #2’S PICK:

FORMERLY SHARK GIRL

by Kelly Bingham

Candlewick

BIGFOOT CLONE #3’S PICK:
MONSTER ON THE HILL

by Rob Harrell

[GRAPHIC NOVEL]

Top Shelf Productions

ORIGINAL MORZANT’S PICK:

WHAT THE HEART KNOWS:
CHANTS, CHARMS, AND BLESSINGS

by Joyce Sidman, with illustrations by Pamela Zagarenski
[POETRY]
Houghton Mifflin-Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

 

MORZANT CLONE #1’S PICK:

YOUR SKELETON IS SHOWING:
RHYMES OF BLUNDER FROM SIX FEET UNDER

by Kurt Cyrus, illustrated by Crab Scrambly

[PICTURE BOOK—POETRY]
Disney-Hyperion

ORIGINAL PENNY’S PICK:

THE 5TH WAVE

by Rick Yancey

[YOUNG ADULT]

Putnam-Penguin

PENNY CLONE #1’S PICK:
EXTREMITIES: STORIES OF DEATH, MURDER, AND REVENGE

by David Lubar

[YOUNG ADULT]

Tor Teen-Tom Doherty Associates

PENNY CLONE #2’S PICK:
HOLLYWOOD, DEAD AHEAD

by Kate Klise, with illustrations by M. Sarah Klise

[MIDDLE GRADE—FIFTH IN THE
43 OLD CEMETERY ROAD SERIES]

Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

PENNY CLONE #3’S PICK:
THE WAKING DARK

by Robin Wasserman

[YOUNG ADULT]

Knopf-Random House

ORIGINAL NORMAN’S PICK:

ODD DUCK

by Cecil Castellucci, illustrated by Sara Varon

[MIDDLE GRADE—GRAPHIC NOVEL]

First Second-Roaring Brook

NORMAN CLONE #1’S PICK:
THE TRUE BLUE SCOUTS OF SUGAR MAN SWAMP

by Kathi Appelt

[MIDDLE GRADE]

Atheneum-Simon & Schuster

 

ORIGINAL BEVERLY’S PICK:

CHARM AND STRANGE

by Stephanie Kuehn

[YOUNG ADULT]

St. Martin’s Griffin

BEVERLY CLONE #1’S PICK:
KETCHUP CLOUDS
by Annabel Pitcher
[YOUNG ADULT]
Little, Brown-Hachette

BEVERLY CLONE #2’S PICK:
PICTURE ME GONE

by Meg Rosoff

[YOUNG ADULT]

Putnam-Penguin

ORIGINAL OLIVER’S PICK:

123 VERSUS ABC

by Mike Boldt

[PICTURE BOOK]

HarperCollins

OLIVER CLONE #1’S PICK:
BALL

by Mary Sullivan

[PICTURE BOOK]

Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

OLIVER CLONE #2’S PICK:
DREAM FRIENDS

by You Byun

[PICTURE BOOK]

Nancy Paulsen-Penguin

OLIVER CLONE #3’S PICK:
GHOST IN THE HOUSE

by Ammi-Joan Paquette, illustrated by Adam Record

[PICTURE BOOK]

Candlewick

OLIVER CLONE #4’S PICK:
IF YOU WANT TO SEE A WHALE

by Julie Fogliano, illustated by Erin E. Stead

[PICTURE BOOK]

Roaring Brook

OLIVER CLONE #5’S PICK:
STICK!

by Andy Pritchett

[PICTURE BOOK]

Candlewick

OLIVER CLONE #6’S PICK:
TEN ORANGE PUMPKINS: A COUNTING BOOK

by Stephen Savage

[PICTURE BOOK]

Dial-Penguin

OLIVER CLONE #7’S PICK:
THE WATERMELON SEED

by Greg Pizzoli

[PICTURE BOOK]

Disney-Hyperion

ORIGINAL LENNY’S PICK:

AH HA!

by Jeff Mack

[PICTURE BOOK]

Chronicle

LENNY CLONE #1’S PICK:
COUNT THE MONKEYS

by Mac Barnett, illustrated by Kevin Cornell

[PICTURE BOOK]

Disney-Hyperion

LENNY CLONE #2’S PICK:
CRANKEE DOODLE

by Tom Angleberger, illustrated by Cece Bell

[PICTURE BOOK]

Clarion-Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

LENNY CLONE #3’S PICK:
THE GINGERBREAD MAN LOOSE ON THE FIRE TRUCK

by Laura Murray, illustrated by Mike Lowery

[PICTURE BOOK]

Putnam-Penguin

LENNY CLONE #4’S PICK:
JOE AND SPARKY GO TO SCHOOL

by Jamie Michalak

[EARLY READER—THIRD IN THE
JOE AND SPARKY SERIES]

Candlewick

LENNY CLONE #5’S PICK:
MR. WUFFLES!

by David Wiesner

[PICTURE BOOK]
Clarion-Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

ORIGINAL VIOLET’S PICK:

AGAIN!

by Emily Gravett

[PICTURE BOOK]

Simon & Schuster

VIOLET CLONE #1’S PICK:
CUTE & CUTER

by Michael Townsend

[PICTURE BOOK]

Knopf-Random House

VIOLET CLONE #2’S PICK:
I DARE YOU NOT TO YAWN

by Hélène Boudreau, illustrated by Serge Bloch

[PICTURE BOOK]

Candlewick

VIOLET CLONE #3’S PICK:
IF IT’S SNOWY AND YOU KNOW IT, CLAP YOUR PAWS!

by Kim Norman, illustrated by Liza Woodruff

[PICTURE BOOK]

Sterling Children’s

VIOLET CLONE #4’S PICK:
FLORA AND THE FLAMINGO

by Molly Idle

[PICTURE BOOK]

Chronicle

VIOLET CLONE #5’S PICK:
SOPHIE’S SQUASH

by Pat Zietlow Miller, illustrated by Anne Wilsdorf

[PICTURE BOOK]

Schwartz & Wade-Random House

VIOLET CLONE #6’S PICK:
UNICORN THINKS HE’S PRETTY GREAT

by Bob Shea

[PICTURE BOOK]

Disney-Hyperion


Previous years’ desert island picks:
2012
2011
2010