Monday, September 26, 2011

Briar’s Journal (September 27 to October 4, 2011)

Dream Entry*
June 2, 2006

Bigfoot is outside, near the library’s book depository. It’s raining. He’s holding a huge green umbrella in one hand and a flyswatter in the other. At first it looks like he’s swatting at an agitated duck. Then I realize both Bigfoot and the duck are preoccupied with something on the ground. Lots of somethings. Lots of wriggling, squiggling somethings.

Worms.

The worms aren’t just on the ground. They’re plastered on top of Bigfoot’s huge green umbrella. A few are clinging to his swatter. Masses of them squirm up the library walls, making their way to the depository.

“There are too many of them!” the duck says.

Bigfoot is doing a frantic dance, hoping from one foot to the other to keep the worms from creeping up his legs. The small metal door to the book depository screeches. It opens. A book drops out and falls into a puddle. A second later a fat worm slorps down after it. From the top of the cover, he directs a group of worms on the ground to assemble around the book. Altogether they chant “heave.” The book lifts and the worms begin to cart it away. Bigfoot tries to swat at them, but he slips in mud and falls flat on his back.

“You’ve got to stop the bookworms!” Bigfoot shouts to me. “They’re making off with our new acquisitions!”

That’s when I notice a long line of books moving down the path that leads around to the back of the library and past the trampoline and pond. I follow it, hoping to head off the worms before they enter the woods. Once there, I sound a long, slow howl causing a full moon to appear. The worms begin to howl, too, and soon they transform into furry owls.

“Hoot,” I say to them. “Hoot-hoot-hoot.”

They understand my orders. They clench the books in their talons and fly them back to the library where my friends and the duck have gathered on the front lawn. Each of my friends, and the duck, have a huge green umbrella that they hold upside down. As the bookowls fly overhead, they release the books. The books rain down and fall into the umbrellas.



The books collected in BIGFOOT’s umbrella:

BARKS’ BEAR BOOK by Carl Barks
[COMIC]
IDW Publishing
September 27, 2011

BIGGER THAN A BREAD BOX by Laurel Snyder
[MIDDLE GRADE]
Random House
September 27, 2011

TEN RULES FOR LIVING WITH MY SISTER by Ann M. Martin
[MIDDLE GRADE]
Feiwel & Friends-Macmillan
September 27, 2011

UNFORGETTABLE by Loretta Ellsworth
[YOUNG ADULT]
Walker
September 27, 2011

IT HAPPENED ON A TRAIN by Mac Barnett,
with illustrations by Adam Rex
[MIDDLE GRADE—THIRD IN THE BRIXTON BROTHERS SERIES]
Simon & Schuster
October 4, 2011


The books collected in MORZANT’s umbrella:

THE HOUSE THAT BABA BUILT:
AN ARTIST’S CHILDHOOD IN CHINA by Ed Young
[PICTURE BOOK—NON-FICTION]
Little, Brown-Hachette
October 3, 2011

SWIRL BY SWIRL: SPIRALS IN NATURE by Joyce Sidman,
illustrated by Beth Krommes
[PICTURE BOOK—POETRY]
Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
October 4, 2011


The books collected in PENNY’s umbrella:

THE ORPHAN OF AWKWARD FALLS by Keith Graves
[MIDDLE GRADE]
Chronicle
September 19, 2011

MISTER CREECHER by Chris Priestley
[YOUNG ADULT]
Bloomsbury USA
September 27, 2011

THE UNBECOMING OF MARA DYER by Michelle Hodkin
[YOUNG ADULT]
Simon & Schuster
September 27, 2011

THE VISION by Jen Nadol
[YOUNG ADULT—SEQUEL TO THE MARK]
Bloomsbury USA
September 27, 2011

THE NAME OF THE STAR by Maureen Johnson
[YOUNG ADULT—FIRST IN THE SHADES OF LONDON TRILOGY]
Putnam-Penguin
September 29, 2011

EVE by Anna Carey
[YOUNG ADULT]
HarperCollins
October 4, 2011

VARIANT by Robinson Wells
[YOUNG ADULT]
HarperTeen-HarperCollins
October 4, 2011


The books collected in the DUCK’s umbrella:

BREADCRUMBS by Anne Ursu,
with illustrations by Erin Mcguire
[MIDDLE GRADE]
Walden Pond-HarperCollins
September 27, 2011

THE FLINT HEART by Katherine Paterson and John Paterson,
with illustrations by John Rocco
[MIDDLE GRADE]
Candlewick
September 27, 2011

LIESL & PO by Lauren Oliver, with illustrations by Kei Acedera
[MIDDLE GRADE]
HarperCollins
October 4, 2011

THE INQUISITOR’S APPRENTICE by Chris Moriarty,
with illustrations by Mark Edward Geyer
[MIDDLE GRADE]
Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
October 4, 2011

NICHOLAS ST. NORTH AND THE BATTLE OF THE NIGHTMARE KING by Laura Geringer, illustrated by William Joyce
[MIDDLE GRADE—FIRST IN THE
GUARDIANS OF CHILDHOOD SERIES]
Atheneum-Simon & Schuster
October 4, 2011


The books collected in NORMAN’s umbrella:

THE DEATH OF YORIK MORTWELL by Stephen Messer,
with illustrations by Gris Grimly
[MIDDLE GRADE]
Random House
September 27, 2011

THE LAST MUSKETEER by Stuart Gibbs
[MIDDLE GRADE]
HarperCollins
September 27, 2011

SERIOUSLY, NORMAN! by Chris Raschka
[MIDDLE GRADE]
Michael Di Capua-Scholastic
October 1, 2011

THE APOTHECARY by Maile Meloy,
with illustrations by Ian Schoenherr
[MIDDLE GRADE]
Putnam-Penguin
October 4, 2011


The books collected in BEVERLY’s umbrella:

BREAKING STALIN’S NOSE by Eugene Yelchin
[MIDDLE GRADE]
Henry Holt
September 27, 2011

HEART AND SOUL: THE STORY OF AMERICA AND
AFRICAN AMERICANS by Kadir Nelson
[MIDDLE GRADE]
Balzer & Bray-HarperCollins
September 27, 2011

STARFIELDS by Carolyn Marsden
[MIDDLE GRADE]
Candlewick
September 27, 2011

WITH A NAME LIKE LOVE by Tess Hilmo
[MIDDLE GRADE]
Farrar, Straus and Giroux
September 27, 2011


The books collected in OLIVER’s umbrella:

THE CONDUCTOR by Laetitia Devernay
[PICTURE BOOK]
Chronicle
September 28, 2011

ELI, NO! by Katie Kirk
[PICTURE BOOK]
Abrams
October 1, 2011

THE ARTIST WHO PAINTED A BLUE HORSE by Eric Carle
[PICTURE BOOK]
Philomel-Penguin
October 4, 2011

MAKING A FRIEND by Alison McGhee,
illustrated by Marc Rosenthal
[PICTURE BOOK]
Atheneum-Simon & Schuster
October 4, 2011

STARS by Mary Lyn Ray, illustrated by Marla Frazee
[PICTURE BOOKS]
Beach Lane-Simon & Schuster
October 4, 2011


The books collected in LENNY’s umbrella:

THE BIPPOLO SEED AND OTHER LOST STORIES by Dr. Seuss
[EARLY READER]
Random House
September 27, 2011

IS EVERYONE READY FOR FUN? by Jan Thomas
[PICTURE BOOK]
Beach Lane-Simon & Schuster
September 27, 2011

I WANT MY HAT BACK by Jon Klassen
[PICTURE BOOK]
Candlewick
September 27, 2011

THE THREE LITTLE ALIENS AND THE BIG BAD ROBOT
by Margaret McNamara, illustrated by Mark Fearing
[PICTURE BOOK]
Schwartz & Wade-Random House
September 27, 2011

WHAT ANIMALS REALLY LIKE by Fiona Robinson
[PICTURE BOOK]
Abrams
October 1, 2011

M.O.M. (MOM OPERATING MANUAL) by Doreen Cronin,
illustrated by Laura Cornell
[PICTURE BOOK]
Atheneum-Simon & Schuster
October 4, 2011


The books collected in VIOLET’s umbrella:

BABYMOUSE #15: A VERY BABYMOUSE CHRISTMAS
by Jennifer L. Holm, illustrated by Matt Holm
[GRAPHIC NOVEL]
Random House
September 27, 2011

DIXIE LOVES SCHOOL PET DAY by Grace Gilman,
illustrated by Sarah McConnell
[EARLY READER—SECOND IN SERIES]
HarperCollins
September 27, 2011

NINA IN THAT MAKES ME MAD by Hilary Knight,
illustrated by Steven Kroll
[COMIC]
Toon Books-Candlewick
September 27, 2011

THE PRINCESS AND THE PIG by Jonathan Emmett,
illustrated by Poly Bernatene
[PICTURE BOOK]
Walker
September 27, 2011

FROG AND FRIENDS: PARTY AT THE POND by Eve Bunting,
illustrated by Josee Masse
[EARLY READER]
Sleeping Bear Press-Gale
October 1, 2011

HAPPY PIG DAY! By Mo Willems
[EARLY READER—AN ELEPHANT AND PIGGIE BOOK]
Hyperion-Disney
October 4, 2011

IF YOU GIVE A DOG A DONUT by Laura Numeroff,
illustrated by Felicia Bond
[PICTURE BOOK—EIGHTH IN THE SERIES]
Balzer & Bray-HarperCollins
October 4, 2011




* The dream entries from Briar’s journal contain premonitions of books that will be published in the future. Briar’s dream self foresees the books’ summaries and knows which will likely appeal to each of her friends. Briar always wakes up before she can see whether her friends will enjoy the books.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

A Scientific Approach to Understanding Book Banning

A Message From Bigfoot:


No need to check your calendar. It’s not Tuesday. You haven’t missed the bus and slept through first period Geometry. I decided to rerun this TUESDAYS WITH MORZANT post rather than have a whole other exhausting discussion with Morzant about banned books. What can I say? It’s my day off. It’s Saturday.



Tuesdays with Morzant

Experiment 451.0: Determine the Dangerous Properties Inherent in Banned Books


[Bigfoot enters Morzant’s lab.]


BIGFOOT: What’s going on? You look frustrated.


MORZANT: I am. The results of my latest experiments don’t make sense.


BIGFOOT: I appreciate your hard work to figure out why all my photographs turn out blurry, but it’s not worth getting upset about.


MORZANT: This isn’t about your photography impediment. It’s to do with banned books.


BIGFOOT: Banned books?


MORZANT: Yes. I’ve been hearing a lot about books that have been banned from schools and libraries. Apparently it’s not uncommon for a defect to be found in a book after it has been published. It then becomes necessary for those potentially dangerous books to be recalled. It seems that Earthlings are frequently careless in the manufacturing of their goods.


BIGFOOT: No, you don’t understand—


MORZANT: I’m appalled at my negligence. It never occurred to me to that Earth books could be hazardous. I assumed because Zeentonian books are made with inert materials, Earth books would be as safe. A reasonable assumption, perhaps, but one that would have offered no consolation if little Mortimer had been hurt. I’ve been recklessly reading TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD to him.


BIGFOOT: Wait—


MORZANT: I take my studies of Earth literature seriously and, as in any scientific pursuit, safety is a primary concern. I can hardly evaluate a book objectively if it causes me injury. Therefore, over the last week, I’ve been conducting a series of experiments in an effort to learn what properties banned books exhibit. Once I’ve isolated them, I’ll be able to test for those same properties in other books. No offense to those in charge of banning books—I’m sure they’re quite diligent—but there doesn’t seem to be a comprehensive inventory of these dangerous books. I’ll feel more secure if I can identify them myself.


BIGFOOT: There’s nothing different about—


MORZANT: My first step was to collect as many banned books as I could. I assumed it would be difficult, but most of these books are easily accessible. Even so, nobody at the library seemed the least bit concerned for their safety.


BIGFOOT: That’s because books aren’t—


MORZANT: I collected a sampling of banned books from several locations, as well as books that have not been banned. It occurred to me that there might be variations in inks and papers used, so I also collected several editions of the same book. If there were any outward indications of the books’ dangerous propensities, I could not detect them, even with my keen powers of scientific observation. I then began systematically testing for combustibility…


BIGFOOT: Oh, no.


MORZANT: …radiation, chemical and biological toxins…


BIGFOOT: Please stop.


MORZANT: …pathogens, allergens, and parasitic infestations. I even ran a rigorous round of tests to determine if banned books are more predisposed to giving paper cuts than non-banned books.


BIGFOOT: You’ve been wasting your time. Books aren’t—hey! Is that my first edition CATCH-22?!


MORZANT: Of course not. I was very careful to separate—oh, dear.


BIGFOOT: It’s ruined!


MORZANT: I’m so sorry. But I’m sure you’ll be pleased to discover that your copy of CATCH-22 seemingly presents no more danger to you than this copy of THE HAPPY CHILDREN OF SAFEVILLE. In fact, I could find no harmful properties in any of these banned books. None of my tests yielded any recognizable differences between the banned books and the books that have not been banned. I’m at an impasse. How can I test for a quality that is outside my circle of knowledge?


BIGFOOT: You can’t.


MORZANT: Exactly. That’s why I’m frustrated! Discerning what constitutes a book that needs to be banned is beyond my scientific ability.


BIGFOOT: No. I don’t mean you can’t. Nobody can.


MORZANT: I don’t understand. Clearly some scientific standards of evaluation are applied to determine whether a book is deleterious or innocuous. Otherwise there would not be banned books.


BIGFOOT: Science has nothing to do with it. It’s strictly emotional. Some people feel as though certain books are harmful and they want to protect others from being harmed by those books.


MORZANT: Unless you’re psychic, how can you feel a book may explode without empirical evidence?


BIGFOOT: The people who ban books aren’t worried about explosions or radiation. They’re afraid of exposure to harmful ideas.


MORZANT: Harmful ideas? Bigfoot, you really need to stop pulling my leg. It’s getting so I don’t believe a word you say.


BIGFOOT: I’m not pulling your leg. I wish I were.


MORZANT: You’re saying that I spent all this time looking for danger where it doesn’t exist?


BIGFOOT: Yes.


MORZANT: So, it’s safe to read this copy of Lauren Myracle’s ttyl to Mortimer?


BIGFOOT: Of course.


MORZANT: Both the hardback and the paperback editions?


BIGFOOT: Absolutely.


MORZANT: What a relief. Finally, I can return to my previous studies of Earth literature. I have a theory that the recent spike in dystopian novels is inversely proportional to the decline in Earth’s polar bear population.


BIGFOOT: Have you also taken into consideration the PBF?


MORZANT: What’s that?


BIGFOOT: You're not familiar with the Paddington Bear Factor?


MORZANT: No. Do you think there could be a connection?


BIGFOOT: Undoubtedly.


MORZANT: You’re back to pulling my leg again, aren’t you?


BIGFOOT: Maybe.