Monday, June 25, 2012

Three Minutes of Defense

Normanday #34: It’s not what it looks like.


You are so busted. You’ve been spotted in front of the new library holding a paint brush dripping with red paint. And you just happen to have an open carton of eggs. “But officer,” you say. “I can explain.” Write for three minutes…


…explaining how you absolutely positively are not up to mischief.


Email what you wrote to woof at bright dot net by the end of the day July 1 (put “Norman is Artistic” in the subject line). I’ll post as many of my favorite entries as I want next Monday. Include your first name (or, even better, use a pen name) and age (unless you’re tortoise-old). If you’re a published children’s or young adult writer, include a biography to be posted with your entry.


Here are the entries from last week when I asked you to write for three minutes about…


…the unusual phone call you received.



Wil, age 11

I was about to watch my favorite TV show when the phone rang. I got up and answered it. It was my cousin telling me his amazing adventure about how he and his sister were being chased by Bigfoot while camping in the woods, one hundred miles away from their home, and how they survived it all.


When he was done telling me the story, I was speechless. It was the most incredible story I had ever heard. I asked him if he would write it down and mail it to me. He said that he would.


A few days later I found the story in my mailbox and I read it over and over, still amazed by what happened to my cousins. The next day I shared the story with my friends. They were, just like me, speechless that my cousins survived a run in with Bigfoot.



Schae D. Lane

I just sat down on the couch with my favorite snack, a stack of strawberry oatmeal bars, and was tuning into my favorite TV show, Spys E.S.P. when the phone rang. Muttering to myself, I walked to the phone.


I answer, “Yello.” I say craning my neck to watch the opening credits on the TV, bobbing my head to the theme music.


Usually in situations like these I would continue with a fake answering machine message to trick the caller into thinking I wasn’t home. Most of the time it worked, the caller would just hang up, but for some reason this time I decided not to do that and boy was I glad I did.


“Hello, is this Martha Elizabeth Louise Theresa MacDonald?” The caller asks in an excited tone.


Okay, I’d better explain my name and believe you me, I know what you’re thinking. The thing is my parents couldn’t decide on a name for me when I was born. It was getting close to the time to take me home, except hospitals don’t really let new parents leave without naming their babies first. Since they couldn’t decide, the hospital called me Jane Doe MacDonald. My parents decided that might get me into some trouble later on in life. So, they thought that if they just looked at me, really looked, a name would pop into their heads. That didn’t work. None of the names they came up with looked like me. In desperation, they asked my grandparents, doctors, nurses, cafeteria workers, and at least one janitor for their opinion. By the end, they narrowed it down to four names. I guess time ran out because they couldn’t just pick a name, so they included all four on the birth certificate. My friends just call me Melt.


Now when I hear all four names it means, I am either in deep do-do or it’s an official call.


I respond quickly, “yes, how can I help you?” I wonder why the voice sounds so familiar.


“I’m sitting here with a friend of yours, Maddie Mickleson. She’s chosen you to be her phone-a-friend on our game show, “Let’s Win Millions and Scream.”


For a second I am stunned, I rack my brain. I knew Maddie had talked about being selected to be on a game show, but I couldn’t remember which one and she hadn’t mentioned it in a while, so I thought it fell through. Now I know why the voice sounds so familiar, it was Phil Winkbanks.


“Hi Phil, what do I need to do?” I ask a little nervously.


“Well Martha Elizabe…” I could hear some muffled whispering then, “you go by Melt?”


“Yes,” I reply. “Long story, please continue.” I hear the audience laugh in the background.


“Well Melt, all you need to do is answer a question and your friend will win millions of dollars and get to scream. You will have 30 seconds on the clock to answer after she reads the question to you. Are you ready?” Phil says.


“Sure,” I quickly eye up the encyclopedias on my book shelf, too far away. My desktop computer sits in my home office, too far away. My iPhone is resting on the arm of the couch, too far away. Looking at the cord connected to my phone, I ask myself why, oh why did I not have a cordless phone.


Maddie’s voice come over the line. She sounds flushed with excitement. “Hi Melt. Okay, here’s the question.” She pauses. “How fast is the speed of light?”


Oh…My…God…I don’t know! Wait, I do know! The Galaxy Song by Monty Python. If I can just sing it to myself…I start humming the song, but I’ve forgotten some of the words. My heart is pounding. My brain is racing. To make matters worse, Phil is saying that I only have 15 seconds left and I know I’m not half way through the song yet.


I’m at the last part about the universe expanding and I can hear the audience counting down “5, 4, 3, 2…”


I shout out, “twelve million a miles a minute!”


The silence is deafening. Did I remember it right?


I hear Phil say to Maddie a calm voice, “Alright Maddie, do you accept Melt’s answer?” he snickers at my name.


I hear her say yes in a rather weak way, but it is a yes. I hope I'm right.


“Well Maddie, you better start screaming, because you’ve just won millions of dollars!” Phil exclaims.


A recorded voice comes on the line. “Thank you for your time and cooperation from the producers of Let’s Win Millions and Scream.” The line goes dead. With shaking hands, I hang up the phone. Did that just happen? I turn and run to my couch, quickly looking at the TV.


Darn it, just in time for Spys E.S.P.'s first commercial break…

Sunday, June 24, 2012

ReRunday: MORE BEARS! (Picture Book)

Originally posted on January 27, 2011.


~


MORE BEARS! (Picture Book)

by Kenn Nesbitt, illustrated by Troy Cummings

Soucebooks Jabberwocky-Sourcebooks, 2010


A Book Review by

Violet the Telekinetic Puppy


I’m Violet and I like bears. Do you like bears? I bet you like bears because everybody who is not a salmon or a honey bee likes bears. So if you are not a salmon or a honey bee I have a book to tell you about. If you are a salmon or a honey bee I will have a book to tell you about another time.


MORE BEARS! is a really good book with lots of bears in it. Guess how many bears are in the beginning of the book. If you guessed 27 you are wrong. If you guessed zero you are right. But I bet you guessed 27 because I bet you thought a book called MORE BEARS! would have lots of bears in it. Well it does, just not at the beginning of the book and that is why you are wrong if you guessed 27.


At the beginning of the book the author is sitting at his desk writing his story and it is a story with no bears. I don’t know why he is writing a story with no bears because everybody who is not a salmon or a honey bee likes bears and the author is not a salmon or a honey bee.


Do you know what happens? I will tell you. The author hears kids shouting at him and they are shouting “MORE BEARS!!” because they want the author to write a story with bears in it. And because the author wants readers to like his story he adds a bear. But the kids want more bears so they shout “MORE BEARS!!” So the author adds more bears. But the kids want even more bears so they shout “MORE BEARS!!” again and again. And pretty soon the book is full of bears. Guess how many bears? If you guessed 27, you are wrong. There are lots more than 27. There are lots and lots of bears. There are so many bears that I can’t tell you how many, that is how many there are.


It’s fun to look at all the different bears. They are all different colors and sizes and are all doing different things. There is a cowboy bear and a surfing bear and a space bear and a juggling bear. There is even a dancing bear like in the last book I told you about and that book was CLEVER JACK TAKES THE CAKE. But there isn’t a birthday cake in this book, just three bears making cupcakes and lots and lots of other bears.


My favorite bear is the baby bear named Mr. Fluffy. Maybe that will be your favorite bear, too. Or maybe your favorite bear will be the superhero bear or the artist bear or the bear with a purple caterpillar on his nose. Do you know what? I changed my mind. The bear with the purple caterpillar on his nose is my favorite.


Pretty soon there are too many bears. I know that is hard to believe but it is true. So the author makes a decision. Guess how many bears there are at the end of the book? If you guessed 27 you are wrong. If you guessed zero you are right. The author is tired of all the bears and makes the bears get out of his story. The kids have a new idea of what should be in the story. Guess what they want now? I am not going to tell you what they want in the story because you will see for yourself when you read this book. But I will tell you that when you find out what it is, you will laugh because this is a funny book.


Here is a list of who will like this book:


Zookeepers.


Goldilocks.


Everybody else who is not a salmon or a honey bee.



Here is a list of who will like NOT this book:


Salmon.


Honey bees.


The end. Good-bye.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Three Minutes on the Phone

Normanday #33: Stop the phone, I want to get off.


You’ve just sat down with a snack, ready to watch your favorite TV show when the phone rings. You answer the phone. It isn’t long before you decide this call is way more interesting than anything you’d see on TV. Write for three minutes about…


…the unusual phone call you received.


Email what you wrote to woof at bright dot net by the end of the day June 24 (put “Norman has a Pleasant Phone Voice” in the subject line). I’ll post as many of my favorite entries as I want next Monday. Include your first name (or, even better, use a pen name) and age (unless you’re tortoise-old). If you’re a published children’s or young adult writer, include a biography to be posted with your entry.


Here are the entries from last week when I asked you to write for three minutes about…


…the holey argyle sock from Bigfoot’s junk drawer.



Schae D. Lane

Sonnet I


Oh argyle sock thou art holey and rank

And thou usefulness proves in sharp decline

For oft on air emits a rancid stank

In murky depths of drawer you now recline

For in darkest place and alone you lied

Your silent twin ’tis lost, “no proper pair!”

How threadbare, sad fabric found on right side

No hope in darning, not possible there

As well big toes no longer be confine

A course, brown tuft of fur ’tis found instead

Wherefore no seam left can identify

’Tis lost between colours silver and red

Wilt thou cast sock out of drawer and take heart?

And begin anew with paisley upstart?



Cranberly

One Ear


My dog has only one ear. And his fur is made of diamond shapes—all in green and red and orange. His eyes are made of cotton balls with smudgy black marker in the middle. I show my sister my dog. It goes “Bark, bark, bark!” as I close and open my hand to get his mouth to move.


“Is that supposed to be a dog?” she asks. She is squinting at me. I hate it when she does that. I move my arm up and down and my dog, Argul, sniffs her hair. She bats him away.


“Gross! Is that Dad’s old sock? He threw that away! It has holes and everything!”


“No! It’s my dog, Argul.” My arm moves up again and my dog sniffs her face with his penny nose. It was hard getting the penny to stick. I had to use extra glue and hold the penny on there for a long time. His nose mainly looks like dried glue now with a little penny inside.


“It’s pronounce AR-GYLE, not AR-GUL. And it’s not a stupid dog puppet. It’s an old, holey sock. And why do you have one finger sticking out of the top anyway?” She starts walking out of her bedroom. I think she does that to get me to leave her room. I follow her. My dog pretends to sniff her butt, but she swats it away first.


“It’s his ear. He only has one.” I run beside her with my hand up in the air. “Woof! Woof!” Argul, the dog, says. He is big. And his bark is deep.


“Dad! Dad! Look what Finley did with your old sock.” She yells.


Dad comes out of his room. He rubs a towel on his head. He is wearing his weekend tshirt and jeans. He smiles.


“Why, look at that. A dragon!” Dad says. My sister rolls her eyes and heads downstairs for breakfast.


“Rooooaaaarrrrr!” Argul, the flying dragon says. My dragon has only one ear.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Briar’s Journal (June 12 to 28, 2012)

Dream Entry*

December 3, 2005


My friends and I are having a cookout. Bigfoot is standing by the grill twirling a spatula. His apron says: I flip for books. Beverly is spreading a paisley blanket on the ground. She’s shouting at Norman and three beagle puppies who keep chasing each other over the blanket and mussing it up. Morzant is flying a remote control airplane. As Mortimer parachutes from it, he recites the alphabet backwards. Penny is riding a stationary bike. I wonder how she manages to pedal with high heels. It doesn’t occur to me to wonder why she has legs and feet instead of her usual flippers.


A delicious aroma comes to me from the grill. Bigfoot flips a hamburger patty into a waiting bun held by a duck. The duck puts the hamburger onto a plate, then grabs another bun to catch another hamburger. When the plate is stacked high with hamburgers, he quacks out to Norman. Norman carries the plate to the paisley blanket which is now spread over a ping pong table. Bigfoot and the duck continue to prepare plates of hamburgers for each of my friends. I wait for the duck to quack out that my plate is ready, but he never does. He and Bigfoot take the two remaining plates and join everybody at the ping pong table. That’s when I notice the plates are full of books instead of hamburgers. I wake up just as Bigfoot squirts a dollop of ketchup under the cover of one of his books.




The books on BIGFOOT’s plate:


A BOY AND A BEAR IN A BOAT by Dave Shelton

[MIDDLE GRADE]

David Fickling-Random House

June 12, 2012


REUNITED by Hilary Weisman Graham

[YOUNG ADULT]

Simon & Schuster

June 12, 2012


MY LIFE NEXT DOOR by Huntley Fitzpatrick

[YOUNG ADULT]

Dial-Penguin

June 14, 2012


MARATHON by Boaz Yakin,

illustrated by Joe Infurnari

[YOUNG ADULT—GRAPHIC NOVEL]

First Second-Roaring Brook

June 19, 2012


LONE BEAN by Chudney Ross

[MIDDLE GRADE]

Amistad-HarperCollins

June 26, 2012


REBEL MCKENZIE by Candice Ransom

[MIDDLE GRADE]

Hyperion-Disney

June 26, 2012



The books on MORZANT’s plate:


THE FEAR by Charlie Higson

[YOUNG ADULT—THIRD IN THE ENEMY SERIES]

Hyperion-Disney

June 12, 2012


I, GALILEO by Bonnie Christensen

[PICTURE BOOK—NON-FICTION]

Knopf-Random House

June 12, 2012


THE MIGHTY MARS ROVERS: THE INCREDIBLE

ADVENTURES OF SPIRIT AND OPPORTUNITY

by Elizabeth Rusch

[MIDDLE GRADE—NON-FICTION—

SCIENTISTS IN THE FIELDS SERIES]

Houghton Mifflin-Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

June 19, 2012


THIS IS NOT A TEST by Courtney Summers

[YOUNG ADULT]

St. Martin’s Griffin

June 19, 2012



The books on PENNY’s plate:


TOKYO HEIST by Diana Renn

[YOUNG ADULT]

Viking-Penguin

June 14, 2012


VIOLINS OF AUTUMN by Amy McAuley

[YOUNG ADULT]

Walker

June 19, 2012


SECRET LETTERS by Leah Scheier

[YOUNG ADULT]

Hyperion-Disney

June 26, 2012



The books on THE DUCK’s plate:


LIES BENEATH by Anne Greenwood Brown

[YOUNG ADULT]

Delacorte-Random House

June 12, 2012


KEEPING THE CASTLE by Patrice Kindl

[YOUNG ADULT]

Viking-Penguin

June 14, 2012



The books on NORMAN’s plate:


SUMMER AT FORSAKEN LAKE by Michael D. Bell,

with illustrations by Maggie Kneen

[MIDDLE GRADE]

Knopf-Random House

June 12, 2012


THE VINDICO by Wesley King

[YOUNG ADULT]

Putnam-Penguin

June 14, 2012


EARTHLING! by Mark Fearing

[MIDDLE GRADE—GRAPHIC NOVEL]

Chronicle

June 20, 2012


MONSTERS ON THE MARCH by Derek the Ghost,

with illustrations by Scott M. Fischer

[MIDDLE GRADE—SECOND IN

THE SCARY SCHOOL SERIES]

HarperCollins

June 26, 2012


THE BRIXEN WITCH by Stacy DeKeyser,

illustrated by John Nickle

[MIDDLE GRADE]

Margaret K. McElderry-Simon & Schuster

June 26, 2012


CHEESIE MACK IS COOL IN A DUEL

by Steve Cotler,

with illustrations by Adam McCauley

[MIDDLE GRADE—SEQUEL TO CHEESIE MACK

IS NOT A GENIUS OR ANYTHING]

Random House

June 26, 2012



The books on BEVERLY’s plate:


LAUGH WITH THE MOON by Shana Burg

[MIDDLE GRADE]

Delacorte-Random House

June 12, 2012


MY LIFE IN BLACK AND WHITE

by Natasha Friend

[YOUNG ADULT]

Viking-Penguin

June 14, 2012


THE UNFORTUNATE SON

by Constance Leeds

[MIDDLE GRADE]

Viking-Penguin

June 14, 2012


BEING EMILY by Rachel Gold

[YOUNG ADULT]

Bella Books

June 26, 2012


RACING THE MOON by Alan Armstrong,

with illustrations by Tim Jessell

[MIDDLE GRADE]

Random House

June 26, 2012



The books on OLIVER’s plate:


HIDE & SEEK by Il Sung Na

[PICTURE BOOK]

Knopf-Random House

June 12, 2012


OINK-A-DOODLE-MOO by Jef Czekaj

[PICTURE BOOK]

Balzer & Bray-HarperCollins

June 12, 2012


THE FANTASTIC FLYING BOOKS OF

MR. MORRIS LESSMORE by William Joyce,

illustrated by William Joyce and Joe Bluhm

[PICTURE BOOK]

Atheneum-Simon & Schuster

June 19, 2012



The books on LENNY’s plate:


MAGICAL MONTY by Johanna Hurwitz,

with illustrations by Anik McGrory

[CHAPTER BOOK—THIRD IN THE MONTY SERIES]

Candlewick

June 12, 2012


THE BEST BIKE RIDE EVER by James Proimos,

illustrated by Johanna Wright

[PICTURE BOOK]

Dial-Penguin

June 14, 2012


DRAGONS LOVE TACOS by Adam Rubin,

illustrated by Daniel Salmieri

[PICTURE BOOK]

Dial-Penguin

June 14, 2012


I KNOW A WEE PIGGY by Kim Norman,

illustrated by Henry Cole

[PICTURE BOOK]

Dial-Penguin

June 14, 2012


SQUID AND OCTOPUS:

FRIENDS FOR ALWAYS by Tao Nyeu

[PICTURE BOOK]

Dial-Penguin

June 14, 2012


DINOSAILING by Deb Lund,

illustrated by Howard Fine

[PICTURE BOOK—THIRD IN

THE DINO SERIES]

Harcourt-Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

June 19, 2012


DON’T SQUISH THE SASQUATCH!

by Kent Redeker, illustrated by Bob Staake

[PICTURE BOOK]

Hyperion-Disney

June 19, 2012


MY SNAKE BLAKE by Randy Siegel,

illustrated by Serge Bloch

[PICTURE BOOK]

Roaring Brook

June 19, 2012



The books on VIOLET’s plate:


TWO FOR ONE by Kate DiCamillo and

Alison McGhee, illustrated by Tony Fucile

[EARLY READER—SECOND IN THE

BING AND GOLLIE SERIES]

Candlewick

June 12, 2012


SMALL BUNNY’S BLUE BLANKET

by Feeney Tatyana

[PICTURE BOOK]

Knopf-Random House

June 12, 2012


DOG GONE by Leeza Hernandez

[PICTURE BOOK]

Putnam-Penguin

June 14, 2012


FOXY by Emma Dodd

[PICTURE BOOK]

HarperCollins

June 26, 2012


MONTY AND MILLI: THE TOTALLY

AMAZING MAGIC TRICK

by Tracey Corderoy, illustrated by Tim Warnes

[PICTURE BOOK]

Good Books

June 28, 2012


THE PERFECT PRESENT by Fiona Roberton

[PICTURE BOOK—SEQUEL TO

WANTED: THE PERFECT PET]

Putnam-Penguin

June 28, 2012








* The dream entries from Briar’s journal contain premonitions of books that will be published in the future. Briar’s dream self foresees the books’ summaries and knows which will likely appeal to each of her friends. Briar always wakes up before she can see whether her friends will enjoy the books.