Three Minutes Slurping Popsicles

Normanday #30: You could fry an egg on the sidewalk today. You shouldn’t, but you could.

Write for three minutes about…

…the best way to cool off on a hot summer day.

Email what you wrote to woof at bright dot net by the end of the day June 3 (put “Norman is on Fire” in the subject line). I’ll post as many of my favorite entries as I want next Monday. Include your first name (or, even better, use a pen name) and age (unless you’re tortoise-old). If you’re a published children’s or young adult writer, include a biography to be posted with your entry.

Here are the entries from last week when I asked you to write for three minutes about…

…the last day of school before summer vacation.

Cranberly

Woo-hoo! It’s the last day of school before summer vacation!

Woo-hoo! It’s breakfast on the last day of school before summer vacation!

Woo-hoo! It’s the next to the last bus ride on the last day of school before summer vacation!

Woo-hoo! It’s announcements in homeroom on the last day of school before summer vacation!

This day is just zipping by.

Woo-hoo! It’s a fun lunch with all my friends on the last day of school before summer vacation!

Woo-hoo! My teacher ran out of material and let us watch a movie for class on the last day of school before summer vacation!

Woo-hoo! It’s the final school assembly on the last day of school before summer vacation!

Everyone is pretty rowdy.

Woo-hoo! It’s the 2:30 bell on the last day of school before summer vacation!

Woo-hoo! It’s the last bus ride home on the last day of school before summer vacation!

Woo! Woo! I’m home. It’s summer vacation! Yay!

....

I’m bored.

Tren Rewy Steb

My desk is a scrapbook of memories. I clean it out on the last day of school before summer vacation. In it is a piece of broken pencil, the purple one my aunt sent me. It had my name on it which is why I kept it even though I sharpened it down to a stub that doesn’t have my name on it any more. This piece of blue plastic broke off of something, but I can’t remember what. Those corners of green construction paper are leftover from the Christmas trees we made for the hallway bulletin board. Under each tree we put a drawing of the present we dreamed of getting. I can’t remember what I drew. I remember Taylor drew a skateboard with a skull and crossbones. He got one with lightening bolts instead. I was meant to take home this pink page that listed all the things I needed to bring to school the day of our field trip to the zoo, but I forgot, just like I forgot a packed lunch and money for the gift shop. And this folded-up page is the spelling test I failed. I didn’t forget to take it home. I stashed it at the bottom of my desk where I wouldn’t be reminded that I don’t know how to spell encyklopeedya, tomorough, and vaccume. What’s this crunched up sheet under it all? Oh! It’s the essay I wrote the first day of school about how I spent my summer.

Bigfoot

Take back these books that have strained my arms and my back all year: the dense physics book; the hefty history book (I dropped it on my toe during the Revolutionary War, a mistake I never repeated); the social studies book filled with weighty issues to ponder; the beefy health book; the pesado Spanish book; and the English lit book filled with short stories that frankly could have been shorter. Ah. That’s better. Light as dandelion fluff, I float into summer.

ReRunday: Briar the Psychic Beagle, Interview

Originally posted on September 21, 2010.

~

Tuesdays with Morzant:

Getting to Know a Reader

Hi, there. Briar here in Morzant’s lab. Morzant is supposed to interview me today, but he’s going to be late because his toaster is about to burst into flames. I’d hate for you to have to wait, so I’ll get things started by answering the questions I predict he’d ask if pumpernickel weren’t so combustible.

Here we go.

Yes. No. In the year 2027. One time when I chased a squirrel up a tree, but never since. Fifteen, maybe sixteen. Excess orange rinds. Huey, Louie, and Dewey, in that order. Walla Walla, Washington. Peanut butter cookies. Sometimes rolling on a dead fish can help. CLIFFORD THE BIG RED DOG. Working on my own graphic novel. I’m not sure. A large meteor.

Well. That didn’t take too long, did it? I sense Morzant has put out the fire. If you’d like, I could share my most recent vision with you to pass the time while we wait for Morzant to join us. In the vision, I saw a giant armadillo buttering a piece of burnt toast. He offered me a bite, then grabbed it away and started lecturing me on the importance of cleaning toast gunk out of the toaster. I was sure that could mean only one thing—oh, here he is. Morzant, I mean. Not the giant armadillo.

[Morzant enters.]

MORZANT: I’m sorry I’m late. My toaster caught on fire!

BRIAR: I hope it’s okay that I started the interview without you since I knew the questions you were going to ask.

MORZANT: Your ability to predict future events is astounding. The scientist in me wonders how your psychic ability works and why, when you knew in advance the questions I intended to ask you, you didn’t also know about the piece of pumpernickel that had wedged itself dangerously in my toaster’s heating element.

BRIAR: Actually, I did. I had a vision where a giant armadillo—

MORZANT: You knew?

BRIAR: Yes.

MORZANT: Forgive me, but why then didn’t you come warn me about my impending toaster crisis rather than come to my lab to conduct your own interview?

BRIAR: Oh. I didn’t think of that.

MORZANT: No harm done. Aside from the scorched ceiling tiles and melted countertop. And incinerated pumpernickel, of course. Let’s continue the interview, shall we? Where did you leave off?

BRIAR: I answered all your questions.

MORZANT: Even the one about what causes Bigfoot’s photography impediment?

BRIAR: Yes, I said— uh-oh. Morzant? I think you’d better get back to your ship.

MORZANT: Why?

BRIAR: You won’t believe what the giant armadillo just told me about your blender.

MORZANT: Good-bye for now, humans. This concludes another interview. Please come back next week when I hope I can offer you a delicious pumpernickel smoothie.

Three Minutes of Anticipation

Normanday #29: Countdown to swimming pools, sleeping in, and lightning bugs

Write for three minutes about…

…the last day of school before summer vacation.

Email what you wrote to woof at bright dot net by the end of the day June 3 (put “Norman is Dazzling” in the subject line). I’ll post as many of my favorite entries as I want next Monday. Include your first name (or, even better, use a pen name) and age (unless you’re tortoise-old). If you’re a published children’s or young adult writer, include a biography to be posted with your entry.

Here are the entries from last week when I asked you to write for three minutes about…

…being a goldfish.

Tren Rewy Steb

I’m a 24-karat gold fish. Every day prospectors come to Lake Au to try to claim me. They boast to each other that they know the way to entice me to their hooks and nets. But I’m not tempted by their fat worms or gobs of peanut butter or the dog food they slop like chum into the lake. I watch them all from beneath a flat rock, amused at their arrogance and folly. Have they nothing better to do than squat in their boats letting the sun bake their square faces? When I hear mutterings of doubt, when the weary prospectors begin to reel in their lines, I ripple the surface until I hear their gasps of admiration and oaths of renewed determination. While they scramble for their nets, I’ll take a break to eat. There’s a delectable jewel dangling amongst the water lilies. How it glistens! I inhale it and swallow. It tugs! Suddenly I’m pulled, up, up up, like a loon rocketing towards the brilliant light above. A prospector shouts: “A diamond lure and I’ve struck it rich!”

Bigfoot

What are you looking at? How about a little privacy? How would you like it if I gawked at you all day? Not that I don’t understand the appeal—I’m attractive and graceful, and watching me lowers your blood pressure. But would it be asking too much for some curtains or blinds? Knock off the tapping on the glass already. What is that? Morse code? Here’s a message for you: Quit dipping your pinky finger in my water. F.Y.I.…I don’t nibble your finger because I think it’s a worm. I’m fantasizing I’m a shark. Speaking of eating, let’s discuss the menu. I’m not saying I never want those flakes again, but how about a little variety? I wouldn’t object to some powered donut crumbs on the weekends. And what’s with the guppies getting to live in that huge aquarium over there? I’m five times bigger than they are. Just look at them. Seriously, look at them.

ReRunday: HAMSTER AND CHEESE and AND THEN THERE WERE GNOMES (Comics)

Originally posted on October 12, 2010.

~

Tuesdays with Morzant:

Mortimer Reviews Two Books

MORZANT: Zulko, humans. Many of you have queried about Mortimer. More specifically you wonder how Mortimer and I work together given that Mortimer doesn’t speak Zeentonian or English and I don’t speak his language of squeeps and rut-rut-ruts. When a close relationship develops, such as that between research partners, communication often transcends spoken language. However, there are times when verbal expression is useful, critical even. There are times when one must call for a fire extinguisher, request a delicious pumpernickel smoothie, or, in the case of my study of Earth literature, read a book aloud to a guinea pig who doesn’t speak Zeentonian or English. For those occasions I invented the CPT, the Cavia porcellus translator. How I developed the CPT with the assistance of Oliver and his telepathic abilities is a story for another Tuesday. But this week, you’ll witness the CPT function as Mortimer reviews the comics GUINEA PIG, PET SHOP PRIVATE EYE #1: HAMSTER AND CHEESE and GUINEA PIG, PET SHOP PRIVATE EYE #2: AND THEN THERE WERE GNOMES by Colleen AF Venable, illustrated by Stephanie Yue (Graphic Universe-Lerner, 2010). Whenever you’re ready, Mortimer, please begin your evaluation.

MORTIMER: Right. These are the first two in a series of comics about animals who live in a pet shop. The pet shop owner, Mr. Venezi, doesn’t know much about animals. He has signs on the animals’ cages to tell what kind of animals are inside, but the signs are wrong. The hamsters’ cage is labeled “koalas” and the mouse cage says “walruses.”

MORZANT: Forgive me for interrupting, Mortimer, but I just realized that I have not yet recorded your reaction to these books. If you don’t mind, I’ll do so now. What was your reaction to Mr. Venezi confusing the hamsters with koalas?

MORTIMER: It made me laugh.

MORZANT: I see. Using Levity Assessment Units Given for Humor, how would you rate your level of amusement at Mr. Venezi’s ignorance of common Earth species?

MORTIMER: Seventy-two LAUGHs.

MORZANT: That high? Impressive. Please continue.

MORTIMER: The only animal who has a sign with a correct label is the guinea pig. Her name is Sasspants. One day the “G” falls off the word “PIG” on her sign, so the sign says “GUINEA PI.” That makes Hamisher, a funny hamster, think that Sasspants is a P.I.

MORZANT: For those of you who don’t know, P.I. stands for “private investigator.” That’s a sort of detective. How funny is the hamster at that moment?

MORTIMER: Eighty-one LAUGHs.

MORZANT: And his overall funniness in both books?

MORTIMER: One hundred and twelve LAUGHs.

MORZANT: That’s one of our highest LAUGH ratings to date.

MORTIMER: In the first comic, HAMSTER AND CHEESE, Hamisher wants to hire Sasspants as a private investigator to find out who has been stealing the sandwich that Mr. Venezi brings every day and leaves beside the hamsters’ cage. Mr. Venezi thinks the hamsters have been taking his sandwich and he warns them that if it happens again, he’s going to kick them out of the pet shop. Hamisher wants Sasspants to prove that the hamsters are innocent. Sasspants doesn’t want anything to do with solving the mystery. She just wants to read. She gives in, though, because Hamisher won’t leave her alone. She and Hamisher talk to all the animals in the shop to see if they saw anything suspicious at the time the sandwich was stolen. Hamisher sketches some suspects based on what the goldfish saw. The goldfish register ninety-five LAUGHs.

MORZANT: And how masterfully crafted was the mystery? By the way, we really need to come up with a clever acronym for this measurement.

MORTIMER: It was good. I was fooled by the red herrings.

MORZANT: I don’t believe there are any red herrings in either book. There are goldfish, but I’m quite certain there aren’t any red herrings at all.

MORTIMER: Red herrings aren’t fish. They’re suspects in a mystery story who didn’t commit the crime. Like the parchment with oranges who dance on silly felt boomerangs.

MORZANT: You’ve lost me. But I’m sure our Earth friends know what you’re talking about.

MORTIMER: Using Hamisher’s sketches and her guinea pig genius, Sasspants solves the mystery. She sets a trap for the real sandwich stealer and saves the hamsters. It was a surprise to me that the sandwich stealer turned out to be the rice pudding thrown on hot green pavement.

MORZANT: Oh, dear. I believe the CPT is malfunctioning. Let me make a few adjustments.

MORTIMER: In the second book, paper clip hold the pickles in the library of soap.

MORZANT: Well, that certainly didn’t help. The batteries must be dying.

MORTIMER: Hamisher thinks there’s a ghost in the pet shop, so he convinces Sasspants to unravel squash pajamas coffee cup begonias.

MORZANT: This won’t do. I guess I'll have to finish the review myself. However, I’m uncertain as to whether the recommendation of an alien from Zeenton means much to human readers.

MORTIMER: Polka dot turnips great white shark pogo stick.

MORZANT: There’s no help for it, and so, here I go. Sasspants is called upon once more to solve a mystery in the pet shop. The mice are disappearing and Hamisher is convinced there’s a ghost afoot. The same cast of characters is present: the ever clueless Mr. Venezi, Sasspants with her common sense and keen analytical mind, a bowl of harebrained goldfish, two vain chinchillas, a shifty snake, a parrot, a turtle, and of course Hamisher, the helpful, humorous, endearing, albeit alarmist, hamster. There are also some new characters and variations that contribute to the story's mystery and humor. LAUGHs are based on Earth humor, so I can’t accurately assign a LAUGH rating to AND THEN THERE WERE GNOMES. If only the CPT were functioning properly.

MORTIMER: Glue cavity dandelion ruckus. Queasy! Blue! Carbonated?

MORZANT: In any case, the writer managed to convince me of a particular reason for the disappearance of the mice only to ultimately reveal an altogether different cause. This was one of Mortimer’s so-called red herrings, I suppose. And yet, the mistaken solution was entirely plausible in that all of the clues provided in words and in pictures supported it. I hesitate to describe those clues to you here for fear that doing so would detract from the fun of trying to puzzle out the mystery on your own. For me, even more enjoyable than trying to solve the mystery, was reading the informative afterward. It provides many interesting facts about the animals on which the fictional characters are based. One last point…I would be remiss were I not to mention the books' illustrations. The artist skillfully rendered these delightful characters both expressively and comically. Don’t you agree, Mortimer?

MORTIMER: Centrifuge. Wallpaper yardstick nylon.

MORZANT: Hmm. I’d better check the CPT's calibration. Good-bye for now, humans. I do hope that the CPT's untimely failure won’t deter you from reading the two comics in the GUINEA PIG, PET SHOP PRIVATE EYE series. I didn’t need the CPT to understand how much Mortimer enjoyed them. We're both looking forward to the third book, THE FERRET'S A FOOT, which will be out in January 2011.

Briar’s Journal (May 15 to June 6, 2012)

Dream Entry*

November 5, 2003

I can only remember fragments of my dream:

Norman insisting I tell him my collar size.

A purple iris climbing a ladder to the roof because the weathervane is stuck.

Two scoops of maple walnut ice cream melting on a hot sidewalk.

My friends, a duck, and three beagle puppies walking while balancing books on their heads.

The books BIGFOOT balances on his head:

THE MOON MOTH by Jack Vance,

illustrated by Humayoun Ibrahim

[YOUNG ADULT—GRAPHIC NOVEL]

First Second-Roaring Brook

May 22, 2012

THE YEAR OF THE BEASTS by Cecil Castellucci,

illustrated by Nate Powell

[YOUNG ADULT]

Roaring Brook

May 22, 2012

PRAIRIE EVERS by Ellen Airgood

[MIDDLE GRADE]

Nancy Paulsen-Penguin

May 24, 2012

BECAUSE OF SHOE AND OTHER DOG STORIES

edited by Ann M. Martin

[MIDDLE GRADE]

Henry Holt

June 5, 2012

A MIDSUMMER’S NIGHTMARE by Kody Keplinger

[YOUNG ADULT]

Poppy-Little, Brown-Hachette

June 5, 2012

The books MORZANT balances on his head:

THE WEEPERS: THE OTHER LIFE

by Susanne Winnacker

[YOUNG ADULT]

Marshall Cavendish-Amazon

May 15, 2012

HOW THINGS WORK IN THE HOUSE

by Lisa Campbell Ernst

[PICTURE BOOK—NON-FICTION]

Blue Apple Books

May 22, 2012

IT’S RAINING FISH AND SPIDERS by Bill Evans

[MIDDLE GRADE—NON-FICTION]

Forge Books-Macmillan

May 22, 2012

DEAD RECKONING by Mercedes Lackey

and Rosemary Edghill

[YOUNG ADULT]

Bloomsbury USA

June 5, 2012

GOLDEN DOMES AND SILVER LANTERNS:

A MUSLIM BOOK OF COLORS by Hena Khan,

illustrated by Mehrdokht Amini

[PICTURE BOOK—NON-FICTION]

Chronicle

June 6, 2012

The books PENNY balances on her head:

DEAD TIME by Anne Cassidy

[YOUNG ADULT—FIRST IN THE

MURDER NOTEBOOKS SERIES]

Walker

May 22, 2012

SHIFT by Em Bailey

[YOUNG ADULT]

Egmont USA

May 22, 2012

THE WHISPERING HOUSE by Rebecca Wade

[MIDDLE GRADE]

Katherine Tegen-HarperCollins

May 22, 2012

A BAD DAY FOR VOODOO by Jeff Strand

[YOUNG ADULT]

Sourcebooks Fire-Sourcebooks

June 1, 2012

A GIRL NAMED DIGIT by Annabel Monaghan

[YOUNG ADULT]

Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

June 5, 2012

The books THE DUCK balances on his head:

OF POSEIDON by Anna Banks

[YOUNG ADULT]

Feiwel & Friends-Macmillan

May 22, 2012

THE PRINCE WHO FELL FROM THE SKY

by John Claude Bemis

[MIDDLE GRADE]

Random House

May 22, 2012

The books NORMAN balances on his head:

MADHATTAN MYSTERY by John J. Bonk

[MIDDLE GRADE]

Walker

May 22, 2012

THE NIGHTMARE FACTORY by Lucy Jones

[MIDDLE GRADE]

Orchard Books

May 28, 2012

DEADWEATHER AND SUNRISE by Geoff Rodkey

[MIDDLE GRADE—FIRST IN THE

CHRONICLES OF EGG SERIES]

Putnam-Penguin

May 29, 2012

SLEEPOVER STAKEOUT by Kim Harrington

[MIDDLE GRADE—SECOND IN THE

SLEUTH OR DARE SERIES]

Scholastic Paperbacks-Scholastic

June 1, 2012

ALIEN ON A RAMPAGE by Clete Smith

[MIDDLE GRADE—SECOND IN THE

INTERGALACTIC BED & BREAKFAST SERIES]

Hyperion-Disney

June 5, 2012

ISLAND OF THIEVES by Josh Lacey

[MIDDLE GRADE]

Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

June 5, 2012

The books BEVERLY balances on her head:

CODE NAME VERITY by Elizabeth Wein

[YOUNG ADULT]

Hyperion-Disney

May 15, 2012

SWAY by Amber McRee Turner

[MIDDLE GRADE]

Hyperion-Disney

May 15, 2012

37 THINGS I LOVE (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER)

by Kekla Magoon

[YOUNG ADULT]

Henry Holt

May 22, 2012

THE DOWNSIDE OF BEING CHARLIE

by Jenny Torres Sanchez

[YOUNG ADULT]

Running Press

May 22, 2012

THE YEAR OF THE BOOK by Andrea Cheng,

with illustrations by Abigail Halpin

[CHAPTER BOOK]

Houghton Mifflin-Houghton Mifflin Harcourt

May 22, 2012

THE GOOD BRAIDER by Terry Farish

[YOUNG ADULT]

Marshall Cavendish-Amazon

May 31, 2012

ALL THESE LIVES by Sarah Wylie

[YOUNG ADULT]

Farrar, Straus and Giroux

June 5, 2012

BREATHING ROOM by Marsha Hayles

[MIDDLE GRADE]

Henry Holt

June 5, 2012

MIRACLE by Elizabeth Scott

[YOUNG ADULT]

Simon Pulse-Simon & Schuste

June 5, 2012

The books OLIVER balances on his head:

ROBIN, WHERE ARE YOU? by Harriet Ziefert,

illustrated by Noah Woods

[PICTURE BOOK]

Blue Apple Books

May 22, 2012

RED KNIT CAP GIRL by Naoko Stoop

[PICTURE BOOK]

Little, Brown-Hachette

June 5, 2012

THE SCARIEST THING OF ALL by Debi Gliori

[PICTURE BOOK]

Walker

June 5, 2012

The books LENNY balances on his head:

STOP THIEF! by Adam J.B. Lane

[PICTURE BOOK]

Roaring Brook

May 22, 2012

SCRIBBLES AND INK by Ethan Long

[PICTURE BOOK]

Blue Apple Books

May 22, 2012

TRACTION MAN AND THE BEACH ODYSSEY

by Mini Grey

[PICTURE BOOK—THIRD IN THE SERIES]

Knopf-Random House

May 22, 2012

THE HUEYS: THE NEW SWEATER

by Oliver Jeffers

[PICTUR BOOK—FIRST IN THE SERIES]

Philomel-Penguin

May 24, 2012

WUMBERS by Amy Krouse Rosenthal,

illustrated by Tom Lichtenheld

[PICTURE BOOK]

Chronicle

May 30, 2012

ANIMALS IN THE OUTHOUSE by Anja Fröhlich,

illustrated by Gergely Kiss

[PICTURE BOOK]

Sky Pony Press-Skyhorse

June 1, 2012

PARROT CARROT by Jol Temple and Kate Temple,

illustrated by Jon Foye

[PICTURE BOOK]

Allen & Unwin

June 1, 2012

WORDLES by Amy Krouse Rosenthal,

illustrated by Serge Bloch

[PICTURE BOOK]

Chronicle

June 1, 2012

I GOTTA DRAW by Bruce Degen

[PICTURE BOOK]

HarperCollins

June 5, 2012

OH NO! NOT AGAIN!: (OR HOW I BUILT A

TIME MACHINE TO SAVE HISTORY)

(OR AT LEAST MY HISTORY GRADE)

by Mac Barnett, illustrated by Dan Santat

[PICTURE BOOK—SEQUEL TO

OH NO!: OR HOW MY SCIENCE PROJECT

DESTROYED THE WORLD]

Hyperion-Disney

June 5, 2012

The books VIOLET balances on her head:

CHLOE by Peter McCarty

[PICTURE BOOK]

Balzer & Bray-HarperCollins

May 15, 2012

CINDY MOO by Lori Mortensen,

illustrated by Jeff Mack

[PICTURE BOOK]

HarperCollins

May 15, 2012

ON MY WAY TO THE BATH by Sarah Maizes,

illustrated by Michael Paraskevas

[PICTURE BOOK]

Walker

May 22, 2012

RUBY’S SLEEPOVER by Kathryn White,

illustrated by Miriam Latimer

[PICTURE BOOK]

Barefoot Books

May 28, 2012

DIXIE AND THE SCHOOL TRIP by Grace Gilman,

illustrated by Sarah McConnell

[EARLY READER—FOURTH IN THE SERIES]

HarperCollins

June 5, 2012

FLORENTINE AND PIG by Eva Katzler,

illustrated by Jess Mikhail

[PICTURE BOOK—FIRST IN THE SERIES]

Bloomsbury USA

June 5, 2012

A HOME FOR BIRD by Philip C. Stead

[PICTURE BOOK]

Roaring Brook

June 5, 2012

ONE TWO THAT’S MY SHOE! by Alison Murray

[PICTURE BOOK—SEQUEL TO APPLE PIE ABC]

Hyperion-Disney

June 5, 2012

* The dream entries from Briar’s journal contain premonitions of books that will be published in the future. Briar’s dream self foresees the books’ summaries and knows which will likely appeal to each of her friends. Briar always wakes up before she can see whether her friends will enjoy the books.