Monday, December 30, 2013

Three Minutes on the Phone

Normanday #109: Leave a message at the beep.

Your phone rings. You don’t recognize the number, but you answer it anyway. Write for three minutes about…

…who’s calling and what they say.

Email what you wrote to bigfootreads dot wernert at gmail dot com by the end of the day January 5 (put “Norman is Intuitive” in the subject line). I’ll post as many of my favorite entries as I want next Monday. Include your first name (or, even better, use a pen name) and age (unless you’re tortoise-old).

Here is the single entry from last week when I asked you to write for three minutes about…

…your plans and hopes for the upcoming year.

What with all I accomplished this year, you probably think I’d want to take a year off to rest. But you’d be wrong. When you have a reputation for being awesome, people expect you not only to live up to, but to surpass your past feats of glory. This year’s list of accomplishments is too long to get into now since I only have three minutes, so I’ll focus on what I plan to do in the upcoming year. My list includes, but is not limited to:
  • discovering a cure for hiccups
  • climing Mount Everest (especially treacherous for a reptile because of the whole ectothermic thing)
  • rollerblading with the bulls in Pamplona
  • writing a biography about Archie Fairly Carr, Jr.
  • learning how to make homemade waffles

Many years ago I found a hollowed-out tree in a particular forest on a particular continent on a particular planet in a particular universe. It was the perfect size for my—never mind what for…the point is, it was the perfect place to hide this secret valuable thing that’s none of your business. I spend a lot of time in the woods, so I didn’t think I’d have trouble finding the tree again. That’s why I didn’t bother to make a map. I’ve tried to find the tree again and again, but have never been able to. It’s been a long time. The thing I hid must be worth a fortune by now. My goal this year is to find the tree so I can get my hands on the thing I hid inside it. Don’t get any crazy ideas of finding it yourself. Remember, I have an alien for a friend. For all you know, it’s not even on Earth. Come to think of it, for all I know it is. I don’t remember which forest on which continent on which planet in which universe the tree is. My new year’s resolution is already doomed, isn’t it?

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